dear diary 6

Did my first day of christmas shopping today. Pretty tired since I went right after work. Gift shopping is pretty fun but only when you know the person who you're shopping for really well. But then it also makes you question how well you truly know a person. I was trying to buy these polos' for my dad and was having a difficult time trying to choose a size. Then i realized that i don't even know. I've known my dad for 17 years but i don't know the circumference of his waist. Ally asked me to hug the shirt and see if it was similar to my dad's waist. That was also when I realized I didn't hug my dad enough. I eventually figured it out, using my intuition but it took much longer than it should have. I still have a lot more gifts to buy but i pride myself on giving awesome and unique gifts so this will be a nice challenge. My plans for new years is still up in the air. I don't know what I want. A quiet night in with close friends vs. a wild night out with strangers. I've always been an introverted person, being an extrovert only when needed. Yet I have a feeling my reserved nature isn't helping me meet enough people. I complain how there is no excitement in my life but perhaps it's because I'm making it that way. Or then again, perhaps i'm just being myself. Sometimes I'm not even sure who I am or what I want to be. University is also stressing me out. Everyone is telling me 'Congratulations!" but they don't even understand how I'm feeling. My career as a journalist may be doomed from the start. I am starting to fear the thought of unemployment the moment after graduating after university. With over a $60,000 debt, I can't afford unemployment. I'm wondering now whether I should choose a career path that is more realistic or stable. But looking back, I think I knew I wanted to go into writing since grade 3, at the latest. I remember writing stories and reading books. This is what I want to do but the thought of working freelance for the rest of my life is terrifying. I really don't want to go through university, fail at my dream career and as a last resort, become a teacher. I truly am not destined to teach, with all respect to teachers out there. I simply do not know what to do with my life and it isn't helping with all the pressure school, family, friends (and somewhat myself) is putting on me.

signed,

springroll